Approaching the Far Edge of Life

Sorry I haven't been posting. I'm staying with my 85 year old auntie again. She went into hospital last Friday for a procedure, with an overnight stay planned. She was far weaker than they thought, so kept her an extra day. They were insisting on kicking her out Sunday, even though she couldn't keep any food down at all. She finally came home Wed. I was on the phone to her friends and my mom for about 3 hours nightly, plus was stressed off my face, so had no energy for further chats or emails or anything. On Sunday, I was so worried that they were going to send her home, and I'd be 100% responsible for her care. I considered not going to collect her, and then they would be forced to keep her!

It was a long w/e here last week, so I couldn't organise any nursing care for her for a couple days, and I was flat out worried that she would die due to something I screwed up. She was so weak, hadn't really eaten in a month, and had already scared me a week earlier as I wasn't sure if she should be taken to the hospital then. I just don't feel qualified to decide on my own, about whether she is sick but could stay home, or sick and needs to go to hospital. How wobbly and weak is acceptable for home stay? And she keeps saying, "Oh, I'm fine. Nothing wrong with me." Except hummingbirds eat more than her.

Anyway, Tuesday was a regular work day, so her entire medical team finally saw her and assessed her, and kept her yet another night. The doctor made her sit up, and made her drink some juice while he was watching, so now I know she can drink and eat semi-solid food. The problem is that her cancer of the esophagus has returned, and the lump is like a speed bump as she swallows. Food would get hung up, and give her hiccups. Or worse, she'd regurg it back up. The edge of the speed bump has been rubbed raw, so it's painful for her to swallow. So she stopped eating a while ago. And then lost her appetite. And lost 20 pounds or more. And got weak and tired. So didn't get up. And didn't feel like eating. And slept more. And then tried to eat, got hiccups, and stopped mid-meal. So went back to bed.

Anyway, the dietitician told me to aim for 1500 cals a day, so I've been counting calories for her. And my mom, a retired doctor, arrived on Thursday. So the Big Pressure is off me.

Yesterday, my aunt had managed only 350 cals by 5 PM, and had slept nearly all day. She said to my mom, "I don't know know why you and Tara are here. I'm perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with me." Then went back to sleep.
She's so weak and confused at this point, we're not sure she knows what she's doing. We don't know if she realises she hasn't been consuming enough calories to sustain life.

So the Really Big Questions are: Do we work hard to get her to eat? Do we just encourage food, and offer food, and let her figure it out? Do we let her just fade away quickly? Or get her to regain her strength, just so she can go through the same thing in 6 months?

Where in The World is Tara?

Many have thought I should wear a GPS collar, but it's big, ugly and chafes my neck, so I've done the next best thing:

I've worked with my superstar web designer Tanya, to create a corporate website for my wee consulting firm, Taramatarra International Consulting Services. She made a page that has my location and local time on it, plus an estimate as to how long it would take me to answer an email.

http://www.taramatarra.com/contact-taramatarra.html
Please save the link, and click whenever you are wondering "Jeez, where is Tara now?"

And if you want to be extra-groovy, have a look round the site, and tell me what you think. Yes, I do know it's gorgeous (that was in the initial bid offer from Tanya), but do you have any comments about content? Do any links not work? Typos? Strange things? What does it show my business does? How could it be improved? And do reply back and tell me it's beautiful, or anything else you liked.
Just follow the link on the contact me page, or send a note to: teleduc101 at gmail dot com.

RBS London

yes, you are right. I have not posted on my blog in a couple weeks. This is because things have been AMAZING and busy for me. And I'm a bit lazy and disorganised....
After being in LA for a month (really, a whole MONTH) I am back in the UK. Been moving around a lot. I returned to the UK to attend the Responsible Business Summit in London.
http://www.ethicalcorp.com/rbs/?t=europe%202007
It was amazing! I had such a good time! The topics covered everything related to Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) - ethical sourcing for raw materials for manufacturing; partnering with NGOs; reducing your company's carbon footprint; community engagement; CSR in developing countries; ways to limit corruption; and a few case studies/reports out on successes companies have actually had with their CSR programs. Why do large corporations do green and/or ethical things? How does it affect their bottom line?
Perhaps an invigorating chat on the realities of child slavery and how children's wages may help a family to survive, had with the head of UNICEF Europe, is not everyone's cup of (ethically sourced, fair trade) tea? But I was thoroughly engaged, thrilled, excited, pumped...... WOW.
In addition to the man from UNICEF, I met lots of other incredible contacts. Some were people at a lower level, some were consultants like me. But others were "CSR Royalty": CEOs, ground breakers, people who regularly meet with Bill & Melinda, the White House, the UN, sit on councils that discuss international trade in Africa, etc. etc.

So I think it's clear how fits into my Big Picture of What I Want To Do (= ethical and profitable work in Africa). But how does it tie to the small picture? How will I actually pay my bills? I did get head hunted by an executive search firm..... Probably the job is not quite what I want at this point, but it does seem that something will shake loose. I met people with Big Influence, and Big Budgets, who don't need to be sold on the wisdom (and positive effect on the bottom line) of working with communities.

"I can feel it coming on the air tonight." --Phil Collins

Bowled Over by the Coolness

Last night I went to the local comedy club. Jay Leno was headlining. Totally funny.
Strangely, the absolute highlight for me though was.....Jerry Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt was in a framed box on the wall.
How cool is that?

Not Politically Correct

I was biking on the beach path on Saturday, when I spotted a midget with no shirt, riding a skateboard. I thought, "Holy crap! That is a midget on a skateboard. That is a really funny sight. California is hilarious!"
I guess because I was totally staring at him, with a nice smile on my face (he likely didn't realise it was a smile at the Comedy I Find in Southern California Beach Goers), he smiled back. A really, really cheezy smile.

Shirtless, tanned, cheezy, skateboarding midget.

Little Person. Whatever.

Trouble in Paradise

view south to Redondo Beach

Since I've been in LA for the last couple weeks, I've settled into a bit of a routine. I have an unlimited pass for yoga at a studio down the road. I have taken over Lianda's beach cruiser bike, so I have wheels, and use this to go everywhere - the movies, the grocery store, Target, exploring, biking along the beach. Every day, I go walking or biking or yoga, or a combo of all those. L noticed I'm getting a tan.



But it's not all margaritas and Happy Hour sushi and sunshine. This morning I had an accident! I was rushing out to yoga, when the mat fell out of the basket, I braked too hard, caught a flip flop, and crashed on the pavement. At first, I looked like I'd been in a gang war or something, as every body part that hit the pavement had ugly deep purple blood blisters. But after an hour, I just have a big weepy raspberry on my knee and a stiff neck. My manicure and pedicure both got destroyed. (OMG!) I didn't put a hole in my yoga pants, so there's no permanent damage.



So this afternoon, I guess I'll recover with a trashy novel, by the pool. I guess I've just been doing too much, and I need to take it easy.
this is not the bike I fell off, nor are those the flip flops that flipped me...but that is the beach path!

Hermosa Beach Pier