Approaching the Far Edge of Life

Sorry I haven't been posting. I'm staying with my 85 year old auntie again. She went into hospital last Friday for a procedure, with an overnight stay planned. She was far weaker than they thought, so kept her an extra day. They were insisting on kicking her out Sunday, even though she couldn't keep any food down at all. She finally came home Wed. I was on the phone to her friends and my mom for about 3 hours nightly, plus was stressed off my face, so had no energy for further chats or emails or anything. On Sunday, I was so worried that they were going to send her home, and I'd be 100% responsible for her care. I considered not going to collect her, and then they would be forced to keep her!

It was a long w/e here last week, so I couldn't organise any nursing care for her for a couple days, and I was flat out worried that she would die due to something I screwed up. She was so weak, hadn't really eaten in a month, and had already scared me a week earlier as I wasn't sure if she should be taken to the hospital then. I just don't feel qualified to decide on my own, about whether she is sick but could stay home, or sick and needs to go to hospital. How wobbly and weak is acceptable for home stay? And she keeps saying, "Oh, I'm fine. Nothing wrong with me." Except hummingbirds eat more than her.

Anyway, Tuesday was a regular work day, so her entire medical team finally saw her and assessed her, and kept her yet another night. The doctor made her sit up, and made her drink some juice while he was watching, so now I know she can drink and eat semi-solid food. The problem is that her cancer of the esophagus has returned, and the lump is like a speed bump as she swallows. Food would get hung up, and give her hiccups. Or worse, she'd regurg it back up. The edge of the speed bump has been rubbed raw, so it's painful for her to swallow. So she stopped eating a while ago. And then lost her appetite. And lost 20 pounds or more. And got weak and tired. So didn't get up. And didn't feel like eating. And slept more. And then tried to eat, got hiccups, and stopped mid-meal. So went back to bed.

Anyway, the dietitician told me to aim for 1500 cals a day, so I've been counting calories for her. And my mom, a retired doctor, arrived on Thursday. So the Big Pressure is off me.

Yesterday, my aunt had managed only 350 cals by 5 PM, and had slept nearly all day. She said to my mom, "I don't know know why you and Tara are here. I'm perfectly fine. Nothing wrong with me." Then went back to sleep.
She's so weak and confused at this point, we're not sure she knows what she's doing. We don't know if she realises she hasn't been consuming enough calories to sustain life.

So the Really Big Questions are: Do we work hard to get her to eat? Do we just encourage food, and offer food, and let her figure it out? Do we let her just fade away quickly? Or get her to regain her strength, just so she can go through the same thing in 6 months?