New Jeans

I bought some new jeans last week. I like the buttons on the front. I think they're cool.
The first day I wore them, I met a friend for coffee and then took the bus home. By the time I was off the bus, I really, really had to pee, but I still had to walk 9 blocks. Ooh aah ee, ooh aah iiee, ooh aah ee....
I walked really fast, but by the time I got home, I was doing the Pee Pee Dance at Whirling Dervish speed. Ooh aah ee, oh my god, ooh aah ee, oh my god......
I rushed into the bathroom, and looked down. ACK! WHICH BUTTONS WERE REAL, AND WHICH WERE FAKE? I did not know how to open my pants!!!!!!!

A couple more bouncy bounces, and made a snap decision..... Luckily the demin is stretchy, as I just ripped 'em down, over my hips.
Whew.