Superb Snowbird

"UTAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

Trip Report: Snowbird, Utah


I swear I am RUINED for any other hill forever. \f#%^ing amazing!!! 70% of the hill was double or single black diamonds. And we had fresh snow every day. It was about -8 or -10 C, not that I ever really knew, as our American luddite friends still use fahrenheit. What the heck does 20 degrees mean anyway????? Dry fluffy snow is what it means!! And on the last day I got face shots on a bluebird day. WOWOWOWOWOW.
Jeesh, I think everyone in our group has done a half marathon, several had done full marathons, and many were serious cyclists (regularly doing "easy" 50 mile days...). And all of us were EXHAUSTED from skiing so hard. Holy crap, Snowbird was relentless. I bet I only did maybe 10 blue runs in 5 days. Never even saw a green run sign.....

Also, the next hill down the valley, Alta, has BANNED SNOWBOARDERS. Tres cool. I will defend high-calibre snowboarders to the end of the earth, but those gaffers who do heel edge slides down through the powder, should be BANNED from everywhere except maybe the wee prairie "mountains". Just my opinion, but I know Uncle Leo agrees with me. Uncle Ron too.

One of the tele'ers in our group went to the ski shop at Snowbird to enquire about trying some demos, and was told to go to Alta, "where the hippies are."

Also, I decided that Utah's state motto should be "Tongue in cheek". Man, the people who aren't mormons are freaking hysterical. eg. The microbrewery had a Polygamy Porter with tag line: "Why have just one?" I bought a hat from there, and the back says "Bring some home to the wives." Also, they had a Provo Girl Pilsner, and on the label was a seriously blond hottie with giant hoots, obviously reminiscent of the Paulaner Girl. Both beers were yummy. (Provo is where one of the major Morman colleges is, and of course Mormons, hotties or not, don't drink alcohol.... no doubt the Tabernaculars are praying for spontaneous combustion of these sinners.)

The Beer Down There

Speaking of the State Motto, as we were in the van to the airport, I read the license plates as "Utah!" I asked, and it really says "Ski Utah!" I was like: Oh, I thought maybe Utah! was an expletive..... Like if you stub your toe in the night, you would swear "Utah!" Or maybe it's a game like "Yahtzee!" In my case, I'd be flying down an incredible powder chute, screaming "UTAH!!!!!"

Finally, I will soon be embarking on my new career as a Downhill Pole Shape Model. I had new poles from SportMart, and it was their first use.... I skied my first 2 powder days on my regular All Mountain Atomics, so was riding on the tails as much as possible. (Good God, there can be no tougher ass workout, ever!!!) Anyway, any time I'd start to pick up speed in the pow, I'd lean a smidgen forward, and then WHAM, submarine! I fell on my poles so many times, I bent them both big time, then fell again and actually bent one back to nearly straight! Anyway, I chatted up the little ski tech (where I started demo'ing big fatty powder boards), explaining that my poles were the shape of "My Ass in Mineral Basin". He loved that, so offered to fix them. Amazingly, I now have pretty dang straight poles, but I did tell him, "Hey, if you ski really hard, maybe you too could have an ass so hard it bends poles." He said he liked me. :) hahahah, poor wee 20 year old.....he had NO idea ....
Anyway, we found some downhill poles for sale later in the week, and held them against my ass - PERFECT MATCH!! Perhaps I should contact JLO's insurance agent, and get mine insured too.....for about $500.

My ass in Mineral Basin