Spring Silliness

I'm staying at my aunt's apartment in Wales again, living it up with the over80 set.
Today is the first day of spring, or so it seems, with gorgeous weather, blooming hyacinths, and an air of fun. After lunch today, I went outside to enjoy a cup of coffee with one of my fave ladies here. Not long passed before we had another couple ladies. And that of course attracted Norbert, the local 80+ Don Juan, with a bottle of wine and a fistful of glasses. Nothing makes Norbert happier than sitting and chatting with a bunch of gals!

After a second bottle and many, many giggles in the sun, I came inside and found a link emailed from a helpful friend:
http://www.go-girl.com/
It's for a female urination device, so you don't need to sit.

Here's the response I sent back to her:
very funny.... think I'll have to try one out sometime! Thing is, often if there's nowhere to sit, there may be nowhere to wash your...ummmm...cup. Dont want to drag pee-covered cup in backpack. yuck.

This inspires a haiku:
GoGirl, life's standing up
Handy Standy in a pinch
Touch nothing dirty, GoGirl

Relief! No need touch.
Alas! Where to rinse her?
Pee spilled in backpack.

Why yes, I have been drinking wine outside on the patio with the over80 set..... First day of spring!
P.S. it's my blog, and I can post bad poetry if I want to!

"Ski" Weekend

Last weekend, the Tequila Queens reunited for a "ski" weekend at Sun Peaks Ski Hill. Nicole, Janice, Sandra, Annie and I all went to UBC together in the early '90s, and were renowned for our ball-hockey-and-margarita-consumption prowess.

The Team

UBC Forestry Women's Ski Team 2009
(L to R: Sandra, Tara, Janice, Nicole, Ann)

We rented a condo on hill, with ski-in/ski-out option. Good thing, as we managed to get out by about 3 PM on day 1. To the pub.

We had to make sure we were well-fed for our extreme "ski" weekend. (Thanks Cardigan!)

Green Runs - easiest Sandra in the pub

One-Eyed Juanita

Blue Runs - more difficult

Safety first with those matching toques!

Black Runs - most difficult

it takes years of intensive training to get to this stage!

Some people are Most Difficult to convince of a story.

But we keep on trying

Double Black Diamond - experts only!

kids, don't try this at home! Experts only!

Night Runs

we only had the weekend, so had to go hard even at night

Did I forget to include photos of us on skis? Oops.

Canuck WOTW: skookum

As forewarned, I have not stuck to my ambitious schedule of One Word per Week...This was due to the perfect storm of excessive exercise, excessive alcohol AND excessive travel. ah well. This is a good one, so worth waiting for!



skookum (adj.) really, really good, or really, really strong

eg. The fried bologne and kraft dinner I had for dinner was skookum!*
eg. Everyone could agree Jenni was a pretty skookum old gal.* She won the flour packing competition at Rendezvous this year.



Usage Notes:
Especially good word for hip/cool engineers. eg. "Oh yah, skookum design! That should withstand a 200 year event! (Ed. Note: I love engineers and their huge brains, and will trade big intelligence for quirky social skills any day of the week. Bring on the flood pants and pocket protectors!)


This is a West Coast word, so don't try to employ it in the East. They will assume you are mumbling gibberish due to low blood sugar, so will administer Tim Horton's doughnuts immediately. Or Tim Bits, maybe? Those little doughnut holes are better anyway.
____

Keep yer stick on the ice,

Tara Canucklehead
* many thanks to Ambo in the Yukon for her excellent examples of things skookum

Clear and Concise

Went up to Sun Peaks Mountain last night to meet my old pal Gary. WOW, I didn't realise that Gary was racing in a World Cup speed skiing event, so last night I was partying it up with the fastest men in the world!!
Had a funny convo with one of the old rogue speed skiers:
He could not understand why I'm single, as I'm pretty, a good skier, etc. etc. (can't take compliments from Old Dog Man Whores too personally, but nice of him to say....) I said, "Well, I travel a lot, and most guys want someone who'll be home and cook them dinner every night. Oh yah, and I'm kind of a dink."
He found that very funny, but totally logical :)

Canuck WOTW: bargoon

While I was in Utah, I was skiing with a big ole group of Americans. Of course, I revelled in my being the "Toquen Canuck", and started educating them on specially Canadian words. They love it, obviously, so want to continue their education. (Alright, one of them requested continued tutelage on Canuckisms.)

So here's the recap:

toque - a warm winter hat
Fuckin Eh - agree wholeheartedly. Can also be used sarcastically.
poutine - a delicacy of fries, covered in cheese curd, covered in gravy. Many thanks to the Quebecois for the increase in heart attacks throughout Canada...

And here's this week's word:
bargoon (bar GOON) slang a bargain
eg. Whoa! Excellent bargoons at Wal-Mart today. They got a sale on mac jackets and toques!

I will attempt to have a new Canuck WOTW each week, barring excessive travel, excessive drinking or excessive exercise.... Or just plain-old forgetting.

I have a whole book on Canadian words, so am nowhere close to running out. But if you'd like to contribute to the education of our southern neighbours with "Only in Canada" turns of phrase, please email your suggestions to me. God knows, after 8 years of Bush, they could use our help.

Cheers, Big Ears,

Tara Canucklehead

St David's Day

Happy St David's Day. St David is the patron saint of Wales. The daffodil is a symbol of Wales.

New Jeans

I bought some new jeans last week. I like the buttons on the front. I think they're cool.
The first day I wore them, I met a friend for coffee and then took the bus home. By the time I was off the bus, I really, really had to pee, but I still had to walk 9 blocks. Ooh aah ee, ooh aah iiee, ooh aah ee....
I walked really fast, but by the time I got home, I was doing the Pee Pee Dance at Whirling Dervish speed. Ooh aah ee, oh my god, ooh aah ee, oh my god......
I rushed into the bathroom, and looked down. ACK! WHICH BUTTONS WERE REAL, AND WHICH WERE FAKE? I did not know how to open my pants!!!!!!!

A couple more bouncy bounces, and made a snap decision..... Luckily the demin is stretchy, as I just ripped 'em down, over my hips.
Whew.

Superb Snowbird

"UTAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

Trip Report: Snowbird, Utah


I swear I am RUINED for any other hill forever. \f#%^ing amazing!!! 70% of the hill was double or single black diamonds. And we had fresh snow every day. It was about -8 or -10 C, not that I ever really knew, as our American luddite friends still use fahrenheit. What the heck does 20 degrees mean anyway????? Dry fluffy snow is what it means!! And on the last day I got face shots on a bluebird day. WOWOWOWOWOW.
Jeesh, I think everyone in our group has done a half marathon, several had done full marathons, and many were serious cyclists (regularly doing "easy" 50 mile days...). And all of us were EXHAUSTED from skiing so hard. Holy crap, Snowbird was relentless. I bet I only did maybe 10 blue runs in 5 days. Never even saw a green run sign.....

Also, the next hill down the valley, Alta, has BANNED SNOWBOARDERS. Tres cool. I will defend high-calibre snowboarders to the end of the earth, but those gaffers who do heel edge slides down through the powder, should be BANNED from everywhere except maybe the wee prairie "mountains". Just my opinion, but I know Uncle Leo agrees with me. Uncle Ron too.

One of the tele'ers in our group went to the ski shop at Snowbird to enquire about trying some demos, and was told to go to Alta, "where the hippies are."

Also, I decided that Utah's state motto should be "Tongue in cheek". Man, the people who aren't mormons are freaking hysterical. eg. The microbrewery had a Polygamy Porter with tag line: "Why have just one?" I bought a hat from there, and the back says "Bring some home to the wives." Also, they had a Provo Girl Pilsner, and on the label was a seriously blond hottie with giant hoots, obviously reminiscent of the Paulaner Girl. Both beers were yummy. (Provo is where one of the major Morman colleges is, and of course Mormons, hotties or not, don't drink alcohol.... no doubt the Tabernaculars are praying for spontaneous combustion of these sinners.)

The Beer Down There

Speaking of the State Motto, as we were in the van to the airport, I read the license plates as "Utah!" I asked, and it really says "Ski Utah!" I was like: Oh, I thought maybe Utah! was an expletive..... Like if you stub your toe in the night, you would swear "Utah!" Or maybe it's a game like "Yahtzee!" In my case, I'd be flying down an incredible powder chute, screaming "UTAH!!!!!"

Finally, I will soon be embarking on my new career as a Downhill Pole Shape Model. I had new poles from SportMart, and it was their first use.... I skied my first 2 powder days on my regular All Mountain Atomics, so was riding on the tails as much as possible. (Good God, there can be no tougher ass workout, ever!!!) Anyway, any time I'd start to pick up speed in the pow, I'd lean a smidgen forward, and then WHAM, submarine! I fell on my poles so many times, I bent them both big time, then fell again and actually bent one back to nearly straight! Anyway, I chatted up the little ski tech (where I started demo'ing big fatty powder boards), explaining that my poles were the shape of "My Ass in Mineral Basin". He loved that, so offered to fix them. Amazingly, I now have pretty dang straight poles, but I did tell him, "Hey, if you ski really hard, maybe you too could have an ass so hard it bends poles." He said he liked me. :) hahahah, poor wee 20 year old.....he had NO idea ....
Anyway, we found some downhill poles for sale later in the week, and held them against my ass - PERFECT MATCH!! Perhaps I should contact JLO's insurance agent, and get mine insured too.....for about $500.

My ass in Mineral Basin

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Most in 50 Years

Chinatown last night

Here in London there were 6 inches of snow last night!!!! It was amazing. Luckily, my hotel isn't toooooooooo far from my conference.... It took about 1 3/4 hours to walk there. The tubes were super slow, the buses not running at all. I didn't get lost on the way back, so it was only a little over an hour to walk back. Oddly enough, I only saw 1 crash ( a small lorry hitting a wall). And I only saw one other driver who seemed to be behaving badly - he honked at a bicycle who stayed in the lane instead of riding through 6 slushy inches at the side of the road. Mostly people seemed to be quite happy, as it was so hard to get to work, there was really no point. Saw lots of people taking pictures, building snowmen and throwing snowballs. Another 6 inches forecast for tonight, and if that happens, it will be the biggest snowfall in half a century.

Tower Bridge and London City

Dickensian scene

Tower of London